Chronic Advice Farts

 
 
 
 
 
 
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I awoke this morning with a tremendous pressure on my brain. It was as though something needed to escape… an embolism of good intent swelling against my better judgement. It was insight that had to be shared. It was a Chronic Advice Fart.

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NASA: I Forgive You

 
 
 
 
 
 
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Jetpack

Dear NASA; Is one little stinkin' jetpack so much to ask for?

A few weeks ago I was thinking about NASA. I was angry and disappointed with them.

They have gone to other planets.

They have sent deep space probes to explore the galaxy.

However…they have yet to deliver my jetpack. Continue reading

Duct Tape, Plumbing, and Amputee Kludge

 
 
 
 
 
 
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Give a man a roll of duct tape and he can fix stuff. Teach a man to use a roll of duct tape and he can rule the world.

Men like to fix stuff. I say men, because women tend to hire professionals to fix stuff. Women are no fun.

This was illustrated in my life by two recent events. First, my good friend Jim sent me a link to his favorite site where many manly do-it-yourself repairs are shown in all their glory. We’ll get to that a little later… Continue reading

Overpackers Anonymous

 
 
 
 
 
 
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Note: This post is a by guest blogger, the lovely and talented D. L. Berliner. I thought it was high time something was written here from a woman’s perspective.

Okay, so we’re going to spend a few days in Las Vegas. Four days, actually, if you don’t count the day of the return flight, which I don’t because there is no fun at all in this day.

We will arrive in the middle of the afternoon on Day 1. We will have full days on Days 2,3 and 4. We have tickets for two shows. We have no other plans except to low-roll gamble, eat (casual dining only) and maybe walk around a bit. The hotel’s website has pictures of the pool area, which looks nice, so I may go there at some point when I get tired of low-roll gambling, eating, and walking.

I am taking with me:

  •  2 pairs of slacks
  • 2 pairs of capri pants
  • 2 pairs of shorts
  • 2 swimsuits
  • 1 swimsuit coverup
  • 3 pairs of shoes/sandals (maybe 4, haven’t decided yet)
  • 5 shirts and blouses. Actually 6, but two of those have to go together, so I’m saying 5.

And although it might be easier getting through Airport Security this way, I am not flying naked, so I will also be wearing a pair of slacks, a shirt, shoes, and keeping a light “airplane sweater” in my carry-on.

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Award Sharing Time

 
 
 
 
 
 
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I have been nominated for two Versatile Blogger Awards. This comes as a shock to me because a) why does anybody actually read my blog? and b) why would they think it’s good?

versatile-blogger awardHowever, I’ll accept this honor because in writing this blog I have come to respect bloggers more than I can express. Writing a decent blog is not that easy. When I started out just a few short months ago I was full of ideas and they poured out. Then they dribbled, then sputtered, then dripped like a toddlers nose. It turns out I’m not that creative. Who would have guessed??  (Be quiet, Debbie!)

There are 23 zippideezillion blogs out there. There are more blogs in the blogosphere than people in New York City. Like the population of New York, the blogs are varied and colorful. Some are celebrities who live fascinating and popular lives, but most are just folks contributing to their little corner of the community. Most blogs are like the little mom and pop diner in the Bronx that only has six tables. Not everybody knows it’s there, but the ones that do, are loyal and stop back regularly. That’s what I want to be. The little diner that has really good pie.

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America’s Got Talent! (NOT)

 
 
 
 
 
 
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America's Got Talent

America's Got Talent (or does it?)

 If America’s Got Talent! proves anything, it’s that America is sadly lacking in talent on a monumental scale. Roughly 3 billion people tried out for America’s Got Talent! and roughly eleven of them had a marketable talent. While our country falls behind in math and science by a few percentile points on the world stage, in entertainment skills we’re obviously ranked #6,432: right behind Krackleakastan.  Continue reading

Scientific Study of Body Image

 
 
 
 
 
 
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We all see ourselves differently than the world at large sees us. This is our body image and it changes through life. When I see a clip of Jersey Shore’s Snooky gyrating her giant ass against a glass wall so the cameras can get a closeup, I wonder what she sees in the mirror or in the TV clips I’m sure she watches every night.

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Dashboard Cookies

 
 
 
 
 
 
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Dashboard cookies

Celebrate the Heat!!

When the temperature reaches 100 degrees for weeks on end there only one thing a sensible person can do: Bake Some Cookies!

I love cookies. I love to eat them and I love to make them. But being an environmentally sensitive new age democrat, I know it’s irresponsible to run an oven while air-conditioning your house. It’s also a pain in the butt and hard to keep the house cool with the oven on, but I’m going with the environmentally sensitive angle here.

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