Chronic Advice Farts

 
 
 
 
 
 
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I awoke this morning with a tremendous pressure on my brain. It was as though something needed to escape… an embolism of good intent swelling against my better judgement. It was insight that had to be shared. It was a Chronic Advice Fart.

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Evidence of Ancient Aliens and a Really Bored Goat

 
 
 
 
 
 
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More than half of the population of the USA believe in the existence of life outside of our little blue marble. For scientists, the definition of “life” includes microscopic critters that they would wet their khakis to discover. If they found a two micron wide fossil of mold in the frozen poles of Mars it would change everything we know and believe about our universe.

My wife and I, however, have all the evidence we need and it is on clear display just 25 miles outside of Las vegas. Since neither of us are ‘scientists’, our vision of life outside of Earth includes a spaceship, funny humanoid shapes, and of course a British accent. All aliens have British accents. I don’t know why extraterrestrials have British accents, because as I’ve clearly stated, I am not a scientist. Continue reading

How Meriwether Lewis Lost the Aztec Treasure and Discovered Taco Bell

 
 
 
 
 
 
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How Meriwether Lewis Lost the Aztec Treasure But Discovered Taco Bell

“But Meriwether, please just pull over and ask!” To bad they didn't have GPS!

Men through the ages have had trouble asking for directions. The Oregon Trail was blazed by rugged men… who were really on their way to Mexico.  

I can see a long-suffering conestoga-riding bonnet-clad wife saying, “But Meriwether, please just pull over and ask!” But the intrepid Meriwether knew a guy who knew a guy who knew an Indian who knew a shortcut to the Aztec riches… and so Portland, Oregon was founded. 

But today this has all changed thanks to Global Positioning Systems (GPS) or SatNav for you European types. These are such wonderful devices. They are an indispensable aid to travel in so many ways. However, they probably shouldn’t be used by male persons. Continue reading

2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.

2011- So Glad It’s Over: Year in Review

 
 
 
 
 
 
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I really wanted to come up with a humorous and positive list of the top news stories of 2011 but even I’m not that good.

2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.

2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.

It’s sad when one of the most positive stories is killing a guy in a pathetic desert compound. That being said let’s see if I’ve got the chops to spin 2011 into something positive or at least not completely depressing. (Don’t hold your breath.) Continue reading

Bah Humbug! The Holidays are Dangerous!

 
 
 
 
 
 
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The holiday season is a time for joy with family and friends. The holiday season is also a time for… INJURIES! MAYHEM! & INSANITY!   So as a public service guy I thought I should share a few really SCARY WARNINGS with you so you and your loved ones don’t end up a statistic or a short entry on  ‘News of the Weird.’ Continue reading

Is the Occupy Movement Losing Steam?

 
 
 
 
 
 
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The three protesters chained themselves to a fence outside city hall.

Occupy Tulsa protesters chained themselves to a fence outside city hall.

We’ve all seen the scenes of clashes between the police and the ‘Occupy’ protesters in various cities.  In the heartland of America not even Tulsa, OK has been spared as members of Occupy Tulsa chained themselves to a fence in front of city hall.

Police were called in but their reaction was, to say the least, subdued. The mob consisted of three guys… one of whom appears to be waiting for the re-opening of V for Vendetta.

Read the full story and the riveting video at NewsOn6

Overpackers Anonymous

 
 
 
 
 
 
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Note: This post is a by guest blogger, the lovely and talented D. L. Berliner. I thought it was high time something was written here from a woman’s perspective.

Okay, so we’re going to spend a few days in Las Vegas. Four days, actually, if you don’t count the day of the return flight, which I don’t because there is no fun at all in this day.

We will arrive in the middle of the afternoon on Day 1. We will have full days on Days 2,3 and 4. We have tickets for two shows. We have no other plans except to low-roll gamble, eat (casual dining only) and maybe walk around a bit. The hotel’s website has pictures of the pool area, which looks nice, so I may go there at some point when I get tired of low-roll gambling, eating, and walking.

I am taking with me:

  •  2 pairs of slacks
  • 2 pairs of capri pants
  • 2 pairs of shorts
  • 2 swimsuits
  • 1 swimsuit coverup
  • 3 pairs of shoes/sandals (maybe 4, haven’t decided yet)
  • 5 shirts and blouses. Actually 6, but two of those have to go together, so I’m saying 5.

And although it might be easier getting through Airport Security this way, I am not flying naked, so I will also be wearing a pair of slacks, a shirt, shoes, and keeping a light “airplane sweater” in my carry-on.

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Las Vegas Gambling, Gaming, and the Search for Fulfillment

 
 
 
 
 
 
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Americans like to gamble and I’m a very loyal American. I enjoy gambling and lately I’ve been gazing deep into my soul and wondering why?

Las vegas Pallazo Suite 2011

If you have to rough it, this is the way to go.

I’m enjoying this existential exercise while sitting in a beautiful suite in the Palazzo Hotel Casino in Las Vegas. I feel that deep contemplation is best done in a comped suite with several flat screen TV’s and prompt room service. I feel a little guilty luxuriating here while so many people are unemployment and going through hard times. The poor economy in Nevada is actually the reason that I can afford this. I am what’s known as a low roller or maybe a minnow, as opposed to the better known high-rollers or whales of gambling. There is a dearth of big spenders in Vegas at the moment so the casinos have moved on to the schools of minnows who meander about in our loud Hawaiian shirts, carrying our players clubs cards and waiting for the buffet to open. Casinos that a few years ago would never have thought to offer comps to chubby middle America are suddenly treating us royally if only we’ll drop our pennies into the penny slots. The $50 Blackjack tables are a little dusty but the Hee-Haw slots are burning up.

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