Chronic Advice Farts

 
 
 
 
 
 
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I awoke this morning with a tremendous pressure on my brain. It was as though something needed to escape… an embolism of good intent swelling against my better judgement. It was insight that had to be shared. It was a Chronic Advice Fart.

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God’s Wrath Directed Toward Republican Convention

 
 
 
 
 
 
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2 Votes


The Republican National Convention is about to start and there’s a storm a’brewin’.   Yes friends, God is pissed and she ain’t gonna take it anymore.

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Evidence of Ancient Aliens and a Really Bored Goat

 
 
 
 
 
 
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More than half of the population of the USA believe in the existence of life outside of our little blue marble. For scientists, the definition of “life” includes microscopic critters that they would wet their khakis to discover. If they found a two micron wide fossil of mold in the frozen poles of Mars it would change everything we know and believe about our universe.

My wife and I, however, have all the evidence we need and it is on clear display just 25 miles outside of Las vegas. Since neither of us are ‘scientists’, our vision of life outside of Earth includes a spaceship, funny humanoid shapes, and of course a British accent. All aliens have British accents. I don’t know why extraterrestrials have British accents, because as I’ve clearly stated, I am not a scientist. Continue reading

Let’s Put “Care” in America!

 
 
 
 
 
 
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It’s been pointed out to me that some readers have taken my post, “Top Ten Obama Socialist Programs and How They Can Be Eliminated”,  seriously.

Sorry folks, but that was satire and my attempt to point out how the term socialism is being misused.

I was trying to make the point that social lifelines and especially guaranteed national healthcare should be as ubiquitous and taken for granted in this country as having a fireman come to your house to put out a fire.

None of our social programs is socialism. However, the far right and the Tea Party folks like to misuse the term to scare people and sway elections. No one in their right mind would consider doing away with fire, police, military, public schools, the FDA, or the EPA …except Rick Perry, and I already said no one in their right mind.

When you hear the far right screaming about socialist programs and “ObamaCare” think about our seniors on social security and medicare. The same type of opposition was screaming the same empty rhetoric when those programs were first introduced. Presidents Roosevelt, Truman, and Johnson were painted with the same knee-jerk  labels. But today in historical perspective we say how farsighted these presidents were and what great programs they helped start.

 It is shameful on a monumental scale that we are the only prosperous nation on the planet that doesn’t guarantee health care for all of its citizens.  This is not a new debate. It’s been going on for over 70 years.

In January of 1943 , President Roosevelt, in his state of the Union message, called for social insurance “from the cradle to the grave.”  

In 1947 President Truman, in another special health message to Congress, again requested a National Health Program. S. 1320 was introduced by Senators Wagner and Murray; Senator Taft’s bill (S. 545) was also reintroduced.

 It wasn’t until July 30, 1965 that Medicare (as part of the Social Security Amendments of 1965) was signed into law by President Johnson. That’s a 20 year fight just to get something passed that we all take for granted now.

Social Security was signed into law in 1935 and was patterned after similar systems operating successfully in Europe, including Germany’s system which started in the 19th century. Sound familiar? Every European nation offers healthcare to all.  Germany started theirs in 1883 and England in 1911.  At the rate we’re going my guess is we’ll be arguing about this for another 40 years and then our great-grandchildren will accept it as normal, just like police and fire protection.

HealthCare.gov: Take health care into your own hands  Learn More

Top Ten Obama Socialist Programs and How They Can Be Eliminated

 
 
 
 
 
 
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4 Votes


Top Ten Obama Socialist Programs and How They Can Be Eliminated

Let's eliminate all the socialist programs!

I am just sick and tired of the constant promotion of socialism in our great democratic nation.  Just Google “Obama Socialism” and you’ll get over 3 million hits. I think that speaks for itself!

In a short 236 years our country has gone from a freedom loving (except for the slaves) country to a communist, socialist, Marxist state where my hard-earned dollars are ripped from my hand to pander to the lazy and shiftless and the wealth is spread from the “haves” to the “lazy.”

What are we? France? Canada? England??

I am taking up the cause to not just stop our illustrious leader from adding more socialist programs but to start eliminating the ones we already have! Please forward this list to your legislators and put them to work getting back to basics right now! Continue reading

How Meriwether Lewis Lost the Aztec Treasure and Discovered Taco Bell

 
 
 
 
 
 
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How Meriwether Lewis Lost the Aztec Treasure But Discovered Taco Bell

“But Meriwether, please just pull over and ask!” To bad they didn't have GPS!

Men through the ages have had trouble asking for directions. The Oregon Trail was blazed by rugged men… who were really on their way to Mexico.  

I can see a long-suffering conestoga-riding bonnet-clad wife saying, “But Meriwether, please just pull over and ask!” But the intrepid Meriwether knew a guy who knew a guy who knew an Indian who knew a shortcut to the Aztec riches… and so Portland, Oregon was founded. 

But today this has all changed thanks to Global Positioning Systems (GPS) or SatNav for you European types. These are such wonderful devices. They are an indispensable aid to travel in so many ways. However, they probably shouldn’t be used by male persons. Continue reading

2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.

2011- So Glad It’s Over: Year in Review

 
 
 
 
 
 
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2 Votes


I really wanted to come up with a humorous and positive list of the top news stories of 2011 but even I’m not that good.

2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.

2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.

It’s sad when one of the most positive stories is killing a guy in a pathetic desert compound. That being said let’s see if I’ve got the chops to spin 2011 into something positive or at least not completely depressing. (Don’t hold your breath.) Continue reading

Holiday Leftovers: They Really DO have a shelf life.

 
 
 
 
 
 
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n the U.S.? Article by: LEE SVITAK DEAN , Star Tribune

I'm all for traditions, but this takes the cake. (PhtotCredit:Lee Svitak Dean of the Star Tribune)

The holidays bring us all an excess of baking and sharing. Leftovers abound and everyone goes home with tupperwares full of goodies. If you’re like us, you may sometimes hang on to these treasures a little too long. Along about March you discover a plastic container in the back of the fridge that’s starting to spontaneously come to life. If your leftovers start to mumble it’s time toss them.

What’s the longest you’ve ever held on to a Christmas goodie?  A month? Three months? Served it for a Labor Day snack? How about a century?

Leave it to the folks in Minnesota, the birthplace of ‘covered dish’ and the Jello Olympics to go for the record.

According to an article by Lee Svitak Dean of the Star Tribune one Pierre Girard, of Golden Valley, MN is the proud owner of a cake baked in 1911. It was found by folks going through a house for an estate sale and has the details written on the box it was carefully preserved in.

Is this the world's oldest wedding cake? Creation made in 1898 even survived World War II bomb blast By DAILY MAIL REPORTER Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1356557/Worlds-oldest-wedding-cake-1898-survived-WW2-bomb-blast.Surprisingly this isn’t the oldest cake around.  According to the Mail Online, the Guinness World Record  goes to, hold your breath now, an 1898 wedding cake baked in England in 1898.

That should surprise no one. Have you eaten English food? I’m sure there are plenty of English puddings that have been around far longer than that. Everybody is just afraid to open the cupboard and look. (Apologies to my readers in the British Empire, but really, you know I’m right.)

So my advice for the holidays? Eat your goodies so they don’t end up as blog fodder a century from now!