2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.
It’s sad when one of the most positive stories is killing a guy in a pathetic desert compound. That being said let’s see if I’ve got the chops to spin 2011 into something positive or at least not completely depressing. (Don’t hold your breath.) Continue reading
Gather your family and friends and sing along!!
The holiday season is a time for joy with family and friends. The holiday season is also a time for… INJURIES! MAYHEM! & INSANITY! So as a public service guy I thought I should share a few really SCARY WARNINGS with you so you and your loved ones don’t end up a statistic or a short entry on ‘News of the Weird.’ Continue reading
Occasionally a brilliant idea is just so obvious you wonder why you haven’t thought of it yourself.
Thomas Edison is spinning in his grave.
The hallmark of mankind is his (or her) ability to shape his environment to suit his needs. Earliest humans began by shaping sticks and stones into tools. Over the millennium we have advanced from the simple technology of a hollowed-out gourd to space travel. Somewhere during this journey we seemed to have gotten off track. We now invent for the sake of invention. It’s not pretty. Continue reading
When did my life sink so low that my normal reaction to a cat with a cold is to massage his butt. I am so out of touch with reality that I don’t know what normal pet owners do when their cat gets sick.
I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think the conversation goes like this:
Statement: “Honey, the cat has a cold.”
Reply: “Whose turn is it for Cat Butt Massage?”
If this is my dream I wonder why they're all scantily clad instead of not clad at all. Why am I dressed like a sad Vegas tourist. Why are there two of me? This dream sucks!
I am cradled in the arms of Morpheus, fast asleep, enjoying my favorite dream. I am surrounded by a bevy of scantily clad supermodels. If this is a dream I wonder why they’re scantily clad . There are no rules to a dream so shouldn’t they be completely UN-clad.
(Maybe I need professional dream interpretation help.) In the midst of my pathetically chaste dream I hear a rumbling and hacking rising from deep within my subconscious. I wonder if one of my still not nude supermodels is about to lose her lunch because she now realizes who her fellow frolicker is. Maybe this is actually her dream and she’ll wake up and tell her friends about the nightmare she had.
My slightly sick imagination pictures this pillow fight.
(My slightly sick imagination pictures this conversation between Adriana Lima and Milla Jovovich while they are having a pillow fight.) Sorry, back to the topic now…
So I hear this rumbling, hacking, guttural sound mere inches from my head. I awaken just as one of our sweet and loving cats hurls what appears to be several days of worth of animal by-product and tuna bits onto my pillow. The warm, piquant liquid cascades across my pillow.
My question for you is this: What would a sane, normal, well-adjusted person do in this situation? Continue reading
