I really wanted to come up with a humorous and positive list of the top news stories of 2011 but even I’m not that good.
2011 was a bad year for the bad guys.
It’s sad when one of the most positive
stories is killing a guy in a pathetic desert compound. That being said
let’s see if I’ve got the chops to spin 2011 into something positive or
at least not completely depressing. (Don’t hold your breath.)Continue reading →
holiday season is a time for joy with family and friends. The holiday
season is also a time for… INJURIES! MAYHEM! & INSANITY! So
as a public service guy I thought I should share a few really SCARY WARNINGS with you so you and your loved ones don’t end up a statistic or a short entry on ‘News of the Weird.’ Continue reading →
The hallmark of mankind is his (or her) ability to shape his
environment to suit his needs. Earliest humans began by shaping sticks
and stones into tools. Over the millennium we have advanced from the
simple technology of a hollowed-out gourd to space travel. Somewhere
during this journey we seemed to have gotten off track. We now invent
for the sake of invention. It’s not pretty. Continue reading →
did my life sink so low that my normal reaction to a cat with a cold is
to massage his butt. I am so out of touch with reality that I
don’t know what normal pet owners do when their cat gets sick.
I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think the conversation goes like this:
this is my dream I wonder why they're all scantily clad instead of not
clad at all. Why am I dressed like a sad Vegas tourist. Why are there
two of me? This dream sucks!
I am cradled in the arms of Morpheus, fast asleep, enjoying my
favorite dream. I am surrounded by a bevy of scantily clad supermodels.
If this is a dream I wonder why they’re scantily clad . There
are no rules to a dream so shouldn’t they be completely UN-clad.
Surely it’s acceptable to be frolicking with naked supermodels if it’s a dream. That’s not cheating? Right? Right?
(Maybe I need professional dream interpretation help.) In the midst
of my pathetically chaste dream I hear a rumbling and hacking rising
from deep within my subconscious. I wonder if one of my still
not nude supermodels is about to lose her lunch because she now
realizes who her fellow frolicker is. Maybe this is actually her dream and she’ll wake up and tell her friends about the nightmare she had.
My slightly sick imagination pictures this pillow fight.
(My slightly sick imagination pictures this conversation between Adriana Lima and Milla Jovovich while they are having a pillow fight.) Sorry, back to the topic now…
So I hear this rumbling, hacking, guttural sound mere inches from my
head. I awaken just as one of our sweet and loving cats hurls what
appears to be several days of worth of animal by-product and tuna bits
onto my pillow. The warm, piquant liquid cascades across my pillow.
My question for you is this: What would a sane, normal, well-adjusted person do in this situation? Continue reading →