I really wanted to come up with a humorous and positive list of the top news stories of 2011 but even I’m not that good.
It’s sad when one of the most positive stories is killing a guy in a pathetic desert compound. That being said let’s see if I’ve got the chops to spin 2011 into something positive or at least not completely depressing. (Don’t hold your breath.)
Royal Wedding: While the world dealt with war and privation we tripped along to a fairyland of delight as a couple of cute kids got married. Ahhh England, you’re always good for a laugh!
iPhone: Apple was in the news for something that did NOT happen. The iPhone 5 was not rolled out. Just the iPhone 4S. So we must be satisfied with having all the information in the entire universe at our fingertips with only a few million apps. Life is sooooo hard. Apple founder and demigod Steve Jobs passed away leaving a legacy of innovation and a pile of cash. (PhotoCredit:iPhone5rumor.net)
NASA: The last space shuttle mission was flown. Now we have to buy a new set of jumper cables for the Russians so we can hitch a ride on the Soyuz. I looked up Soyuz on Google Translate and loosely translated it means, “everybody to get out and push now”.
The Muppets: The best reviewed film of the year was the Muppets. Sadly, Jim Henson is still dead.
Zynga: You wasted so much time playing Farmville and Words With Friends that Zynga was able to make an IPO with a valuation of eleventy billion dollars.
Casey Anthony Trial: A hot white mom who may or may not have killed her beautiful little white daughter. She’s acquitted and nobody cares. See my blog post for more, or don’t. I’m still sick of the newsjackels drooling over the story. (PhotoCredit: )
CIA: The CIA lost one of its toys and the mean guys who found it wouldn’t give it back. (Disclaimer: I have no knowledge that the drone in question belonged to, or was operated by, the CIA or the USA or the AARP. It’s John Stewart’s fault. Please don’t hurt me.)
Movies: Charlize Theron came out with some movie. I don’t know anything about the movie. I just wanted an excuse to look through a pile of Charlize photos.
Intelligent Discourse: Al Gore still thinks facts and intelligent scientific research will change people’s minds. Silly, silly man. This really isn’t breaking news but I just wanted an excuse to look through a pile of Al Gore photos. He’s hotter than Charlize.
People That Aren’t Us So We Don’t Care About Them Much After The First News Cycle: Japan was rocked by an earthquake and tsunami it may never fully recover from. But hey everybody! What’s Justin Bieber up to and was he really the father of that girl’s baby? My unscientific poll of the top ten lists found Charlie Sheen ranked higher in more of them than the fate of the people of Japan. (We suck.)
24 Hour News: When the early days of cable brought us the first 24 hour news station it seemed like a good idea. Good ideas are like that. Then people get involved and decide if a little bit of a good idea is good then a whole lot of the idea would be even better! People are wrong. The role of “news” is to disseminate the ‘facts’ relating to important events. The role of 24 hour news stations seems to be creating stories to sell advertising time. The best example of this is Nancy Grace.
The top 24 hour news channels in the USA are CNN, CNBC, FOX, MSNBC, HLN, ABC News Now, Bloomberg, etc. I thought I’d look for a list that might have a few I missed. I’d forgotten to consider all of the local 24 hour news stations. Here’s a 51 page list.
So when the next ‘big’ story comes, take a look at it in context.
If the media weren’t flogging it, would it make any difference in your life? The Casey Anthony trial was a tragic story. But individual people do bad things everyday. Why were thousands of hours devoted to the trial coverage.
HLN named Charlie Sheen as one of the most important events of 2011! Really?
Even the incessant coverage of all of the mid-east characters blowing each other up is old news. 2000-year-old, old news. Real news would be if they weren’t killing each other over a chunk of desert and a bunch of oil. If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out the 1300 year history of struggle in the middle east.
But now.. the most important list for 2011
What year in review would be complete without a list of the The 30 Most Important Cats Of 2011.
Thousands of hours of productive man-hours are wasted each year looking at funny cat pictures. So the good folks at Buzz Feed compiled the best of best in one spot. (Thanks to cousin Michelle for avoiding work and sending me this!)
If I missed a story that you feel is more important than these feel free to share it in the comments.