Americans like to gamble and I’m a very loyal American. I enjoy gambling and lately I’ve been gazing deep into my soul and wondering why?
If you have to rough it, this is the way to go.
I’m enjoying this existential exercise while sitting in a beautiful suite in the Palazzo Hotel Casino in Las Vegas. I feel that deep contemplation is best done in a comped suite with several flat screen TV’s and prompt room service. I feel a little guilty luxuriating here while so many people are unemployment and going through hard times. The poor economy in Nevada is actually the reason that I can afford this. I am what’s known as a low roller or maybe a minnow, as opposed to the better known high-rollers or whales of gambling. There is a dearth of big spenders in Vegas at the moment so the casinos have moved on to the schools of minnows who meander about in our loud Hawaiian shirts, carrying our players clubs cards and waiting for the buffet to open. Casinos that a few years ago would never have thought to offer comps to chubby middle America are suddenly treating us royally if only we’ll drop our pennies into the penny slots. The $50 Blackjack tables are a little dusty but the Hee-Haw slots are burning up.
As Rick Perry campaigns for President across the country he touts himself as the second coming. But it’s the second coming of George W. Bush. In this top-secret underground video interview with the BBC’s Nigel Duck-Bottom, Governor Perry reveals ALL of the facts behind the facts from his tenure as the longest-serving governor of Texas.
If you would prefer to do some reading of the source material for this entertaining little video, here are some resources.
But be forewarned: THINKING IS HARD!
The total debt of Texas has doubled while Rick Perry has been in office.
Football is a stupid game. It needs to be said. As football season in the US approaches, it’s time to point out that the Emperor Has No Clothes. Football is boring, stupid, and pointless.
I have tried to like our brand of football my whole life. I grew up near Chicago where it was da Bears, the Packers and Notre Dame. Every Sunday meant gathering around the TV and watching in rapt attention while a bunch of overpaid behemoths scrimmaged into a pile of sweaty flesh for 12 seconds at a time. The other 17 hours of the game involved 4 announcers telling us what happened during each 12 seconds of play and also what should have happened but didn’t. This mind numbing boredom led to the invention of beer, snacks, and NFL cheerleaders. If it were not for snacks, beer, and broads there would be no football industry. A good test of this hypothesis is to watch your next game without them. Just sit in your recliner and watch the game. No booze, no beer, no Slim Jims, no Frito Pie or any other diversion. You have to just watch the game.
I am getting a little tired of hearing, “Hey Alan, you really need to get a life.”
I take exception to this opinion of my life, or lack thereof. I have a full life with many varied, though some might say, arcane interests. I am retired so this gives me time to ponder many of life’s mysteries. I don’t mean mundane topics like “what is the nature of god?”, “peace in the middle east”, “why are we here?” or “the economic crisis.” I mean transcendent questions like, “where do dust bunnies come from?” and “who ever convinced women that brightly colored polyester stretch pants look good?”
In order to appease the folks who think my life is a hollow empty shell, here’s a list of topics and activities, buttressed with photographic evidence, showing my full and enriching life. Prepare to envy me!