Men are Better Than Women at Everything

 
 
 
 
 
 
i
 
2 Votes


We've simply evolved over time into two distinct species that happen to have the ability to inter-breed.

We've simply evolved over time into two distinct species that happen to have the ability to inter-breed.

I’m watching my wife mow our lawn. She really sucks at it.  It’s a scorcher today. I lay back watching her from my shaded lawn chair with a cold bottle of beer pressed against my neck. I am pondering the so-called glass ceiling. I don’t think any rational person can dispute that the glass ceiling exists. Women get paid less for the same job. They are promoted less and it’s harder for a woman to get elected to public office. Even in Hollywood female stars command less money overall than men and their careers start to wane as the age.

My wife’s inability to mow the lawn well is analogous to the glass ceiling.

She gets the job done. The grass is shorter than it was when she started, but it takes longer and doesn’t look as well manicured. Now please don’t take this the wrong way. I love our alternate species. We’ve simply evolved over time into two distinct species that happen to have the ability to inter-breed.  If you’re a Creationist, then I’ll say we were created differently and God obviously wasn’t a big fan of women. Women simply lag behind men on so many basic levels.

The drone of the mower causes me to momentarily nod off but I’m startled awake as my beer tips into my lap and I resume my train of thought.  My wife is still struggling to push the mower through the tall weeds and I consider explaining to her why she’s doing it wrong. Let’s face it, she mows like a woman.  You can take that sentence and substitute most any verb for “mow”. She “runs like a woman”, “plays basketball like a woman”, “manages employees like a woman.” See they all work! I even bought her a lightweight lawnmower as an accommodation to her lack of upper body strength. It’s an electric lawnmower and it has the additional benefit of not emitting greenhouse gasses. I consider myself a progressive individual and if I can both accommodate her handicap and help the environment, then it’s a win-win for the planet.

Her mowing ability perfectly illustrates my point. Yes, I realize her lack of skill is in part attributed to her corresponding lack of upper body strength, lack of necessary testosterone, and her light skeletal frame. These attributes combine in women to make it impossible for them to crash through that glass ceiling. If they even give it a try they just end up with bruises and broken bones as they bounce off.

I won’t bore you with a long list of male superiority. That’s just unnecessarily cruel.

We can all make our own list in our heads. But one set of circumstances within the view of world history stands out. (I will also not point out that it’s called his-tory and not her-story)

What if the glass ceiling had been a little thinner in 1930's Germany and Adolph Hitler had not ascended into a leadership role?  What if it had been “Andrea” Hitler instead?

What if the glass ceiling had been a little thinner in 1930's Germany and Adolph Hitler had not ascended into a leadership role? What if it had been “Andrea” Hitler instead?

What if the glass ceiling had been a little thinner in 1930’s Germany and Adolph Hitler had not ascended into a leadership role? What if it had been “Andrea” Hitler instead? America was in the midst of the Great Depression and the only thing that pulled us out was the massive war machine that gave us full employment, led to the GI Bill, forced us to innovate and so become a global power. If “Andrea” Hitler had been in power I can see her telling the German people that the size of their country was just fine. She’d say that there’s no need to go invading other countries or persecuting ethnic minorities.

I can hear her female logic now, “Let’s just be the bestest German’s we can be!” Then there would be a big Bavarian hugfest and America would have slumped into obscurity.

If a woman’s lack of motivation had been controlling world events, it would have resulted in the Great Depression lasting years longer. The German scientists would have stayed in Germany which would have meant no moon landing for us. Nuclear power would probably still be a theory we would be toying with. No A-bomb means no nuclear reactors. We wouldn’t have the Jeep, ICBM’s, and the Cold War wouldn’t have been much of a war at all.

The list of the benefits of World War II go on and on.

I will grant you that women as whole have made some strides in the last few years. I think today we can point to Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin as two citizens who seem to be able to overcome their female handicap and scrap with men on their level. Neither one of them lets their female compassion or “facts” get in the way of plunging forward in a mindless blitz of progress. They have truly embraced the male ability to put themselves, their own careers, pocketbook, fame, and egos before the good of the general public.

Michelle Bachman Republican Jewish Coalition

Michelle Bachman at the Republican Jewish Coalition

I can’t express how well Michelle Bachman has approached manhood any better than in her own words expressing her foreign policy. The US will be “Cursed” if we don’t support Israel because her Bible tells her so,

“I am convinced in my heart and in my mind that if the United States fails to stand with Israel, that is the end of the United States . . . [W]e have to show that we are inextricably entwined, that as a nation we have been blessed because of our relationship with Israel, and if we reject Israel, then there is a curse that comes into play. And my husband and I are both Christians, and we believe very strongly the verse from Genesis [Genesis 12:3], we believe very strongly that nations also receive blessings as they bless Israel. It is a strong and beautiful principle.”

Full article from  Minnesota Independent: Bachmann: America ‘cursed’ by God ‘if we reject Israel’ By Andy Birkey

Michelle Bachman is also not a wimp. She’s tough. Like a man, she ends interviews if she doesn’t like the question.

“WQAD reporters said they were promised a one-on-one interview. Instead, they said they were “openly” and “aggressively” denied access.”  Full article at  Minnesota Independent

Palin has elevated lying to an art form. http://www.politifact.com
Palin has elevated lying to an art form. 

One true sign of manhood is to lie…. or as I like to call it, “embellish.”   Sarah Palin has raised this to such an art form that I just blush at her professionalism.

.

http://www.politifact.com/personalities/sarah-palin/

Most men wouldn't have the balls to say most of the things that come out of her mouth. Palin has elevated lying to an art form. http://www.politifact.com

Most men wouldn’t have the balls to say most of the things that come out of her mouth. She not only says them, she explains why she’s right and the facts are wrong! I love this woman!

To Michelle and Sarah I say bravo! You really know how to man up!  

To you ladies out there, and you know who you are, let’s cut down on this propensity for reason, dialogue, critical thinking, and compassion or you will never get anywhere!

11 comments on “Men are Better Than Women at Everything

      •  
        1
         
        0
         
        i
         
        Rate This

        And just to add more to the conversation about when/where men are right, there’s the handy dandy chart I put together a couple months ago: http://tinyurl.com/3o8dj2w

        I’m assuming you won’t be going to the Arsenal game with me on Saturday since you’ll be…well…recovering from having your ass kicked.

      •  
        0
         
        0
         
        i
         
        Rate This

        Oh Andy, You know I am the king of the castle and my word is law. (Debbie said I could write that and has pre-approval on everything.) and she said I could go to the game if all my chores are done first.

  1.  
    0
     
    0
     
    i
     
    Rate This

    Yup! There is clearly no room in these United States for women and womanly values. Maybe we should immigrate to Canada.

  2.  
    0
     
    0
     
    i
     
    Rate This

    On a road trip to an obscure camping ground, I passed a yard in which the woman was mowing, while the man sat in a lawn chair feet propped and beer in hand. I wanted to take a photo of it, but my hubby (The compasionate one) wouldnt let me.

    •  
      0
       
      0
       
      i
       
      Rate This

      Sara, I bet your husband commented on how wrong it was for the other guy to be relaxing while his wife trudged away. But deep inside he was a little jealous. Of course your husband gets points for living with four cats.

      •  
        0
         
        0
         
        i
         
        Rate This

        naw, you would be very proud of him… when the dump truck comes to dump a mountain of logs on our lawn for the wood stove, my hubby always strikes up a conversation with the dump driver that lasts ‘just’ long enough for me to stack all the firewood by myself. hehe I don’t mind though, I like stacking wood. though I do it like a woman -wink

So? What do you think?